Around this time last year, I went through a phase that felt suspiciously like a quarter-life crisis: think mid-life breakdown, minus the splashy, unnecessary purchases, more tears and late night existential questioning over Sex and the City and a bottle of Pinot Noir. Everything in my life felt like a mess – I’d started to hate the job I once loved, my relationship was all but hanging by a thread and the pressure of my workload meant time with my nearest and dearest was pretty non-existent.
On the surface, my life was busy and full but I constantly felt this pressure to have a balance ironically at a time I was just about managing to stay upright. When I talk to friends about it now, they still can’t understand how they didn’t realise but I was great at hiding. You see, most people would describe me as a self-confident extrovert. And while that’s mostly true, anxiety and stress is something I’ve secretly struggled with since university.
I don’t know whether it’s because I haven’t had serious problems with my skin or sleeping but I’ve never been the kind of person who actively pursues medication as a cure of all ills, neither have I ever really bought into the whole yoga, acupuncture route when it comes to tackling anxiety either. I knew I had to make a real change but it took a trip to New York and a whole lot of soul searching before I figured it out: if only I could take a step back and stop worrying for a minute, I might actually be happy.
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A girl at work told me about an app called Headspace. It offers guided meditation sessions that last from a couple of minutes up to about 10 minutes. The whole idea is to give you the baby steps you need to get into the habit of switching off and being “present”. Each meditation track is spoken and before you get worried, it’s less wishy-washy “do this, do that,” and more “think about sitting somewhere your back is supported well,” and “concentrate on your breath.” It’s been downloaded by people in 150 different countries and everyone from Emma Watson to Gwyneth Paltrow is all over it.
I had dabbled in meditation briefly before but never really took it seriously. I was of the school that meditation was one of those things you do when you’re on holiday at a lush resort the other side of the world or something people with time on their hands do. Then there’s the whole discipline and quasi-religious element that goes with it too, that never quite sat right with me. Don’t ask me how meditation became my revelation then but after that mini breakdown, I downloaded the app. Perched on a cushion in the middle of her Upper West Side pad, I just sat.
If you’ve ever tried meditating you’ll know how hard it is to stay in the moment. Easy in theory, in practice not so much. Life is filled with so many things that take over our attention – emails, texts, Whatsapps, Facebook – the list goes on. What I’ve learned though is that incorporating meditation and mindfulness into my everyday isn’t just another thing to add to my list of things to do. In fact, the moment you start, you quickly realise that taking that 10-20 minutes each day makes everything easier.
When I’m travelling and things are going 100miles/hour, I don’t do it as much as I should and before long I can feel the Naomi of last year slowly creeping back. My to-do-list gets out of control, I can’t be bothered to socialise and I fall back into old habits.
First things first, I’m in a more positive space. The more you’re able to step outside your thoughts and are in-tune with what triggers you to feel in a certain way, the easier it so to see things from a positive – or, at least, neutral – perspective. I was never going to feel happy going back to a job that was no longer challenging me, but I was able to see the situation for what it was and take steps to get out of that situation. When you’re mindful, you’re able to see that the problem isn’t necessarily with the scenario you’re dealing with but in how you’re reacting to it.
Mindfulness is also a great way to tackle stress. The moment you’re conscious of your thoughts and the triggers, you quickly realise that we choose whether or not to allow situations to leave us feeling anxious and stressed. If something is stressful, there’s not much you can do to change that besides being more aware of the impact it has on you. And more than anything, there’s something to be said for being able to be in the moment, completely switch off and and focus on something else ay those times when things feel a bit much.
Incorporating meditation into my life has definitely changed me as person but it’s not something that comes overnight. It takes time and hard work. Now, I try and meditate for at least 10 minutes a day. When I’m travelling and things are going 100miles/hour, I don’t do it as much as I should and before long I can feel the Naomi of last year slowly creeping back. My to-do-list gets out of control, I can’t be bothered to socialise and I fall back into old habits.
If meditation has taught me thought, it’s that it’s no different to a muscle: you have to constantly exercise it. Our negative thoughts are as strong as our good ones: the question is which ones we feed most.
Great article Naomi! I too have found meditation to be one of the best remedies for stressful periods and anxiety. It can feel counter-intuitive to stop for a period of time, when you feel ‘SO busy’ but it positively impacts everything, and more than makes up for itself in terms of time commitment.
So happy to read it has helped you too!
Love, Monica x