There is a particular moment in life when women are divided into two camps. Picture it: the question has been popped. The yes given. And now, one of two things happens. In camp one, after years of piecing it together in her head our first bride-to-be finally has a face to the groom she’s been slotting into her wedding fantasies since she was a teenager. Alternatively, bride-to-be in camp two – having never even really thought about it – begins to panic. In both cases, the reality of actual, real-life planning hits home – and with all that expectation, imagination and opinion laying heavy on the day, where are on earth to begin?
At this point, there are two roads to follow – and neither will do you a service. The first is Pinterest. Tempting though it might be to lose yourself for days in the maze of pretty Pinspiration (see what we did there?) this is not the destination to commence your wedding plan. We apologise. The second is to procrastinate, or put any planning off in an effort to decrease stress levels. We’ve seen this attempt to be done – it never ends well.
Our advice? Get back to basics and bring that energy (be it confetti-fuelled or nervous) onto the nuts and bolts of the day, and include your partner. Even if there is gusto from both parties to leave the minutiae of the day up to just one of you, keep in mind that the engagement means you’re a team now. Plus, in laying the foundation for the day together, you’ll both get more out of it – it’s a win-win.
If, however, you are still in doubt, then we’ve come up with a marvellous solution. We know that working this day out – from budget to guests to DJ – is going to be as much a minefield as it is a pure joy. With this in mind, we’ve called upon the phenomenal team at Knot & Pop to help ensure that you’ve considered every angle. Use these questions, and we promise you seamless easing into your wedding. You’re welcome.
The wedding pot
We know, not a fun one to start on, but don’t avoid this chat. Knowing your wedding budget helps balance the pretty Vs the practical. It’s essential to know upfront what your budget is, and if you need to have a savings pot to make monthly contributions into. It is also worth discussing with parents if they are planning to contribute.
Once set, break the budget down by supplier and/or item, so you can see how to apportion your budget, researching costs as you go. Breaking down your budget allows you to see what you have to spend in each area and is also a great guide to help suppliers with the proposals they make. All too often people make some big early decisions on high value suppliers (e.g. venue), and pay hefty deposits, only to then realise that their leftover budget won’t cover what’s remaining.
Guests
At your wedding you’ll see all your favourite faces in one place, but you need to discuss whether you’re going for nearest and dearest and a more intimate wedding, or opting for the-more-the-merrier with a guest list to rival the Royals.
It’s vital to get that final guest list down on paper so you know the precise numbers. It dictates venue and the size of space needed, and also feeds into your overall budget with costs per head for catering and drinks, total number of tables, and therefore flower arrangements needed etc.
Season
With the two toughies out the way, move onto the fun stuff with setting the date. Ask yourself certain questions. What time of year do you both love? Are there any practical considerations that may mean certain times of year would be too busy for you to properly enjoy the build up to the wedding? If the weather was on your side, do you see yourself enjoying the outdoors with a marquee wedding in the sun or would you rather cosy on down with a winter wedding and lots of log fires roaring?
Thinking about these things will help you work out the right season for you both – and set that essential date.
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Location, location, location
From planning a destination wedding abroad, to an area of the UK that you love having holidayed there before, or opting for the city you both now live in, discussing and deciding where you see yourselves saying your, ‘I Dos’, is a fun process – it also helps to tighten the focus on the venue finding itself.
It used to be that the location was largely driven by the place the Bride was from, but these days anything goes so don’t feel dictated by this if you imagine your wedding elsewhere. Always remember: your day, your way.
A one-day celebration or weekend blow out?
Discuss whether you’d rather the wedding and all celebrations in one day, or if you see it unfolding across a wedding weekend with, for example, and arrival party on a Friday, wedding on a Saturday and a wedding hangover BBQ on a Sunday.
Wedding weekend celebrations are growing in popularity and lend themselves particularly well to countryside gatherings with exclusive use venues.
Knowing if you want the one-day or the wedding weekend then nicely rolls in the next point to discuss: type of venue…
Venue
From country classic to modern and minimal and all in between, there are so many different types of venues out there. Historic houses, castles, hotels, countryside barns, blank canvas galleries, marquees, boats, gastro pubs, restaurants…the list goes on.
It’s therefore always best to try and visualise where you see yourself celebrating. Have you always wanted to be a lady of the manor, or do you want something more alternative?
Knowing your preferred location can also help with deciding your venue type – if for example you want a blank canvas gallery or warehouse the city has these in plentiful supply, the countryside less so. Or if the venue is more important to you than the location then the roles may reverse. Know your priorities, and decisions are made more easily.
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Word up
Each write down five words that represent your ideal wedding day. This is a great way to kick-start conversations and can help with you then deciding about themes, types of entertainment, catering considerations etc. Start broad with simple adjectives – glamorous, celebratory, opulent, informal, fun, sentimental etc – then you can move on to specifics. It’s inevitable some compromises will have to be made when you compare your visions, but the results can lead to a wedding that is truly yours and a day for your both to cherish.
Tried and tested or rip up the rule book?
Are you a couple planning to follow formalities, or do it your own way? Discuss which way you are leaning and how you want to approach different parts of the wedding from the ceremony through to the reception.
With the ceremony, are you wanting to have a religious ceremony or opting for a humanist or civil ceremony? With the wedding reception do you want a formal plated dinner, or something more relaxed with sharing foods, or even food stations? Do you want a first dance or a flash mob? We say anything goes, so don’t feel restricted by traditional wedding etiquette.
What are your priorities?
It’s your big day. What will be your highlights? How do you want to remember it? Will it be the music, the food, the setting, the entertainment? Obviously the people. If budget will play a consideration it’s good to identify this up front so you know which way to weigh your larger spends. Having a chat on priorities makes any decisions at a later date easier to discuss and to decide if you are having to compromise due to budget. Your priorities may differ from your partners – fuse them and also use them to divide up tasks. If your partner is really excited by the music side of things, then best to play to passions, dividing and conquering!
Themes
Onto the really fun stuff – the wedding theme. Or maybe there isn’t a theme, maybe it’s just a riotous mix of colour and self-expression. It’s your day, so have it your way.
Whether you’re pin-pointing precisely with a series of mood boards across each element, or taking a looser approach to things, it’s great to get a handle on the wedding theme before you start briefing suppliers, as being able to share your thoughts for the day with them will better allow them to understand and in turn complement your imaginings.
So go forth and gather those pretty pictures, popping them into a Scene Setter mood board, or creating a ‘Secret’ board on Pinterest that you can share with suppliers.
Hands on or off?
How hands on do you want to be with your wedding planning? Do you want to be crafting within an inch of your life for a DIY wedding day, or are you happy to take a side seat and let a wedding planner to do the steering to relieve the stress?
Whatever you decide it is a great idea to discuss this up front and if you are deciding to get a wedding planner involved then it helps to get them in the fold from the get-go…they have little black books of trusted and talented suppliers with lots of insights and advice to save you both time and stress.