This took me a long time to see.
For a long time, one of the things I was most proud of was how little I needed.
I didn’t ask for much.
I didn’t want to be difficult.
I took pride in how little space I took up.
Being “low maintenance” felt like a virtue — like proof that I was good, capable, easy to work with.
And I carried that identity with me into adulthood.
Into friendships.
Into romantic relationships.
Into business.
What I didn’t see for a long time was how quietly expensive that pattern was.
Unmet needs I never named.
Being underpaid because I didn’t want to rock the boat.
Agreeing to terms and dynamics that didn’t serve me.
Opportunities passing me by — not because I wasn’t qualified, but because I wasn’t direct about what I wanted.
I was giving constantly.
Adapting constantly.
Reading the room constantly.
And getting… crumbs.
Nobody else is at fault. Those were simply a byproduct of the fact that I had simply trained myself to believe that asking for what I wanted – and pushing for more – wasn’t safe.
The hardest part about patterns like this is that when they’re deeply ingrained, they don’t feel like patterns.
They feel like who you are.
It wasn’t until I could see this dynamic — clearly and compassionately — that I could begin to change it.
Now, everything revolves around me by design and I’m unapologetic about advocating for myself and being clear about my needs but it took a lot of work to get here.
And this is something I see over and over again with women who are intuitive, emotionally intelligent, and highly capable:
You don’t need more willpower. You don’t need to be louder.
You need language for how you’re wired — so you can stop unconsciously self-abandoning in the places that matter most.
If any of this is landing a little too close to home, this helps you see how you’re currently operating — without judgment.
That’s exactly why I created a simple assessment.
It’s designed to show you:how you’re operating right now, what it’s costing you (often quietly), and where you might be shrinking or over-adapting without realizing it.
Not so you can judge yourself.
So you can finally choose differently.
→ You can explore the assessment here
You don’t need to become someone else.
You just need to stop shrinking parts of yourself and pretending that the crumbs are okay, when you know you want the cake.
Sit with that – and as always, feel free to reply and let me know what comes up for you.
